


The Memory of the Knife

by Pragnificent (PragmaticHominid)



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-04
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-09-28 07:39:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10079810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PragmaticHominid/pseuds/Pragnificent
Summary: Something inside of Will that had already been under too much strain got twisted and then snapped in the fall, and the fear, which had always been huge inside of him, is all of what he is now, all of the time.He is afraid to leave.And whenever he cannot see Hannibal he afraid that Hannibal has left him or else been taken, and that he will not come back.But when Hannibal is close it is Hannibal that Will is afraid of, and he cannot stand Hannibal touching him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This one hurts a lot, friends, and I'm sorry about that.

He can’t stand Hannibal touching him. 

Will tries. 

It is tolerable - barely - if they are in public. There is the illusion of the possibility of rescue when among other people, at least. 

He can bare it - almost - if it is only the brushing of fingers from across the length of a table. No immediate feeling of being restrained in that, though the threat is always there. Hannibal’s hand could strike fast as a snake and swallow Will’s own whole, and he would never be able to break free. 

But more than that?

No. 

Something inside of Will that had already been under too much strain got twisted and then snapped in the fall, and the fear, which had always been huge inside of him, is all of what he is now, all of the time. 

He is afraid to leave. 

And whenever he cannot see Hannibal he afraid that Hannibal has left him or else been taken, and that he will not come back. 

But when Hannibal is close it is Hannibal that Will is afraid of, and he cannot stand Hannibal touching him.  

There is the panic at the mere thought. 

There is the memory of the knife. 

It hurts worse when it cuts into Abigail, because he understands what is about to happen but can’t stop it. Because he has to watch, and is helpless to do anything except watch. 

There is the knife and there is the memory of being trapped within the vise of Hannibal’s arms while he uses the knife on him.

The worst is after the knife. 

It’s being pressed even more tightly against Hannibal, feeling Hannibal’s hands on his face and in his hair - touching, stroking,  _ needing _ . Hannibal clinging to him as though he were the one who had been sliced open, the desperate bottomless  _ need _ of that clinging, and the understanding - utterly unwelcomed in its ugliness and all its sharp edges - that in that clinging there was love and that it was Hannibal’s love that had hurt him so bad, that left him gutted and bleeding out on the kitchen floor, and it hurt so bad because he could see, just before Hannibal used on Abigail the knife which gleamed with his own bright blood, that Hannibal was crying from the force of his own bitter love. 

Will remembers his hand rising as though on its own accord, straining to get away from Hannibal and his bright curved knife and his love, fluttering like a caught bird.

But the worst is hearing the sounds that Abigail made, after the knife. 

And the worst is the cessation of those sounds. The forever and ever and ever after silence. 

And Will cannot stand Hannibal touching him. 

The center of their king-sized bed is a no man’s land, and Will does not know that there are nights - not many, but some - when in his sleep he crosses that empty space and finds Hannibal’s arms. 

He does not know how Hannibal lies awake at night, waiting to see if tonight will be the night that he is granted the peace of feeling the touch of Will’s skin on his own, nor does Will know that on those nights Hannibal does not sleep at all, but watches him instead, basking all night in Will’s touch but slipping from the bed before he begins to stir. 

All that Will knows is that he cannot stand Hannibal touching him. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> This ~probably~ has a second piece, but I need to think on how to unbreak poor Will...


End file.
